Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
