Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
