Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
