i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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