the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
