I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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