I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
