I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
