Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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