It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
