I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
