She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
