I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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