My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
