it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
