Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I want a musical about memes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
