areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
