Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
