The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
