I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize