I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
