I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
