Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
