well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
A+ Viking dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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