Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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