Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
