Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
