dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
