There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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