she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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