my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
