just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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