just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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