Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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