is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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