haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
