I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
