I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
