My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
