I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
