The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize