Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
