i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize