thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
