If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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