well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love having hate sex.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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