I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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