can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's just like the Real World with babies
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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