i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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