look no pants
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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