I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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