Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want nice things and good sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize