So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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