he wants to bone in the snuggie
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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