My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
