I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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