If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
