Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
