so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
