and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
