she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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