you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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