I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
