I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
