my vag is so smooth its legendary
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
