My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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